i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
