Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
