Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
