I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
