I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
