Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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