I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
