I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
