highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need a beard to bite.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
