Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
