Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
