Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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