I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
