Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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