remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
no you cant smoke seaweed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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