In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
