I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
