what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
