They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
