It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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