your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
