Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
