i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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