yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
