i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
