noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
