Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
