Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
