cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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