He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
