I murdered the dance floor call the cops
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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