so that wasnt chicken after all
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
