Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
