idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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