Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
