highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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