your thong is hanging out like whoa
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just found puke in my bra..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
