If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
