We're facebook friends in real life
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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