So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
