I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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