Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
