R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
