she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
even my farts smell like vagina
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
