I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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