Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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