you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
