I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
