Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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