So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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