I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
3 2 1 whiskey
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
